Salt-o-the-Earth Po-ums and Cartoons
by Ray Collett
x
A collection of commentary on environmental and other issues
at the University of California at Santa Cruz Campus.
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14) LEGEND OF THE CAVE SPIDER, Part I

Once there there was a lovely cave spider,
Who lived in a cavern beneath the palace
Of the Princess-who-was-awful.
The little cave spider simply lived down there,
Doing the things that cave spiders do,
But the Princess-who-was-awful
Would not leave him alone,
Even though he was a special cave spider,
Nothing like him in any other realm.

One dark and stormy night
The wind was screaming in the trees,
And rain was beating on the palace windows.
From parking lots, rooftops, and barren soil
Brown sheets and torrents of water,
Following the plans and designs of the princess,
Were tumbling into the caverns down below.
The princess was lying in her bed,
Going all maenadic, howling with delight:
"Take that you endangered spider!
Soon you'll be an extirpated spider!
Extinct forever. Gone! Gone! Gone!
No more Meta dolloff!
You drown. You drown. You drown.
Die! Die! Die! When you’re dead
You won't give me any problem.
No one will ever know.
I'll hire some biostitutes to report
You never lived,
And my type of UCSC will
Grow, grow, grow!"




© 2001 Mark Oatney